reflective time

As the years passed I become more and more tired of the usual "ritual" in ending a year. I'm talking about all the evaluation and resolution making.

The year has been a successful one. I've succeeded in carrying out my tasks and my boss is really pleased with my work performance.
Well, I wish I can say it's true, as I can only say it is if they came out from my boss' mouth.

I've managed to live by myself for the past 365 days, make new friends, take up new responsibilities and dared to bind myself in a (sort of) debt, which is the car. This is true, but I can't say I'm really proud of it. In the debt case I've bound my monthly finance to pay for the installment, which isn't really a bad thing but I can't deny it binds me to keep this job until at least the debt is paid off. Used to be a wage slave, now a wage plus debt slave.

Lost interest in evaluating other non-essential aspects, such as weight. Therefore I've no interst in making a new resolution that has to do with "losing weight". I know what there are to do, I'm familiar with the drill, so it's not a big deal anymore.

More worried with the substantive things... And what are they?

For one thing, that happens to relate to this blog. It's not easy to keep it up, regardless anybody's reading it (let alone got any advantage from it). I don't have much time left after long hour work (to ponder on things and to write one sentence after another until it comes out as an entry that make sense).

Then I have to be honest it's not the ideal place to strip my mind and soul and write anything without edit (then again, who wants to feel open up, all vulnerable and crashed at the end when one realize it's not a safe place??? And then, who wants to read raw feelings? Could be really pathetic, to be honest.)

For other things, they would be real life problem(s). There will be a slight change in the office, new blood that's expected to help things done, but I'm aware it'll create a complication. Can't say what now, but I'm always prepared for the unexpected here.

And another substantive thing, I should grow. Grow in many aspects, in spiritual, in accepting people, in giving. I also have to take risk. I'm not sure of what bigger risks to be in year 2006, but being prepared by setting one's mind is always good.

These are just few points that's going on my head. Perhaps I need to talk to someone to have them more structured, not just what's in my mind but also what things need to be done. Some kinda 'action plan'. I don't really like to have my year all structured (prefer to do it daily, as I don't see the need of structuring the weekends). Either way, it's still something important to do. Now I just need to find a helpful friend.

So, in case I don't get to write another entry, I hope you have had a fantastic year and I wish you will welcome the new year with all enthusiasm and optimism and continue doing our best on the days given by our gracious Lord.

Have a blessed 2006!!
:)

a break...finally

So I'm off (though still need to check my email regularly and answer when necessary, but more important is i'm off the constant pressure for several days (7 working days to be exact). Been waiting for this and now I'm here, back home. It's good to finally able to let my hair down, rest and relax for a bit.

Arrived around noon, went directly to Bakmi GM. Can't remember the last time I went there, then hurriedly went to BCA to draw some money. As silly as it is, I lost my ATM a couple of days ago. The usual 'in a hurry' moment, where I did some transaction, remembered to collect the print out but missed the card. Pretty stupid, I know. Added extra trouble during the holiday. Who needs one?!

I don't have much things planned for the holiday, basically I've all the year planned now I don't want to be busily planning my holiday (at least not by the hour, or worse, the minute!). My family already plan to go to Bandung for a couple of days, that I will happily join. Then there's another trip to Anyer with some friends from church. Hmm.. I go all the way to a beach where I got all the nice beaches in Bali? I'll think about it, ok.

Right now, I'm just enjoy my time, enjoy my family and enjoy this big city.

Hope you're enjoying your holiday also!!

things I yet to see

Blooming banana tree. I've no idea why my dad finally decided to plant this short tree (this particular species doesn't get any taller than 1.5 m). Never tasted the fruit, maybe I won't as I may not be there when it happens.

Good food. This one is japanese, so tasty and yumm...

And my nephew. He has grown. Not much change other than more taller. Still skinny, still cute but a lot more talkative. Say hi! :)

The things I left behind...

The bee and the birds... no.. kidding. Insects as this bee is so normal around the office. We're exposed totally to nature. Exotic, but can also dangerous as we sometimes got a visit from snakes.

Kapal Bambu, the newly launched sales room. Tall and spacious. Made of bamboo, thatch and cotton.

Kuta crossing. I usually take this road on my way to the Kuta beach.

The only plant I have in my rented room, a belated gift birthday from the company. If I knew they were giving me one I'd ask for anggrek bulan (sorry, not sure what it's called in english/latin).

shop 'til you drop

I'm always excited to shop balinese souvenirs before "pulkam". They're not for me of course, but for my family and friends. Simple items (like t-shirts, sandals, handicrafts) but I'm sure people will never get tired of. Unfortunately the craft men (and women) haven't been creative lately so not many new items, mostly same theme but new motifs. If you're too lazy or don't have much time to shop, just drop by at this souvenir shop in Denpasar and you can get (mostly) everything. If time is more tight, just get balinese nuts or salak (some people call it porcupine skin fruit) at the airport.

exhale a bit

God is good.

Things are falling into their places.

When a couple of blunders happened last week I could just sigh hopelessly and listen to my boss' nag and complaint.

Things turned up within schedule, and blunders were corrected.

I hope he would start to see, to learn to be a little patient and to have faith a little.

God is good, now I can exhale a little bit and press on.

the "U" word

If there is one word that's most popularly used in the managerial level in the company that would be "unacceptable". Directors/Managers/Supervisors adopt this word to scorn their subordinates whenever there's a blunder or missed target or other poor performance, either in email or oral conversation.

Now I'm so tempted to write such email to the finance department office abroad. Up to this minute my salary doesn't show up in the balance of my bank. What were they thinking? Were they asleep?

I've worked too close with my boss that sometimes I'm afraid I'm starting to turn into him. This would be in the sense of attitude. At one time I already scorned a co-worker about it a few months ago. She said something in the same manner my boss would address such blunder. Arrogantly she said it in front of people, and some were of lower level. I was so annoyed with such attitude, and when it came out from this gal I just blurted out that she had no right to say things like that. They were her colleagues and not her slaves. Afterward there was this deadening silence that nobody dared to break.

Now I fight really hard not to adopt feudal attitude and arrogant comments. But this blunder that was created by a bunch of arrogant expats was just too good to miss out without making strong comments. I mean, they were quick in pointing mistake, what about their own mistakes?? Nobody apologize. Somebody has to make a stand, no?

I'd say something like: "So DD, the payment was late for 6 days! Do you realize that I missed the interest and even as an addition to that I have to pay more interest for some late bills (not that I have bills to pay heheee..). I believe you will not tolerate it if your finance people late in paying your salary. This is totally unacceptable!"

I agree with a colleague that once shot back that "UNACCEPTABLE is an uncreative answer." Moreover, It's totally negative, it doesn't allow people any space, it doesn't give any solution and it's not ready to forgive.

"Too many idiots, not enough bullet" another favorite phrase. Tempted to use it, but I won't use it, as it doesn't open a healthy conversation. If this ever happen again, I would request to reverse my contract back. Less hassle, less headache.

Muddy Xmas Gathering

Flash back a year ago, I felt quite lucky to find out there's Christian community in the company. There aren't many of us, only 40 pax (out of 600 employees) and from that number only less than 10 ppl are active in the weekly gathering.

This year we decided to hold the Christmas gathering early, to accommodate some expats who planned to have their year end holiday on tne second week. Last year we gathered together with orphans, this year with physically challenged kids, in their dorm in Jimbaran area. Only several of them were Christians, but all were invited.

Considering the limited space in their place, we decided to hold it in an open space next door and rented canopy. We depended so much on a nice sunny weather. So around noon with some friends I went there and prepare the place, set the decor. All were sweating, close to dehydrated. It was terribly hot it gave me a headache. Well, nobody should complain as we did prayed for bright sunny weather, yes?

15.20, just when we finished our 1st song it started to rain. Shower, then pouring hard. Everybody moved inside the canopy, some sat down on the plastic prepared for stage, the ones in wheelchair remained in the back. The rest of the committee stayed out and took out their umbrellas.

I won't deny it was somewhat disappointing, but can't deny either that it was a mixed blessing. It was a way to make everybody gather closer to one another and they were more focused on the service (though we kept it short). I can't (and we won't) be selfish and say that God didn't hear our plea. I believe God had a beigger plan and He let it pour for some reasons we don't know about.

Back to the gathering, it was a relief to see that everybody could accept the rain and the mud it created all over the place. It was what it was. Friends were pleased to be able to take part on it and to participate in such event, the children were glad to be able to play games and won prizes. Despite the weather, everybody was happy.

After the gathering small reception was held. Everybody moved around and talk, mingle and eat. It seemed the mud didn't matter at all. What mattered was the main purpose of this gathering, and it went well.

prezzies

I haven't mentioned that surprisingly I received presents for my birthday. I think life is more interesting and surprising when you don't expect much but you actually receive something.

Such as the prezzies. Perhaps they were to balance the disappointment caused by people who forgot to send their wishes (can you believe that up to NOW my parents hadn't say a word about it!!). I can't believe my mom.. my biological mom forgot she gave birth to this beautiful daughter of her... *cheeky*. It seems she's going senile, no doubt about it.

Anyway, the funniest belated present was from a friend, where she bought me a collection of short stories called 25 Kisah Cinta Sejati. The trouble of buying someone something you don't know about. I mean, if you give someone a book it should be something you recommend, right? Well, not this one. Then again, my friend is a bit eccentric in her own ways.

It's a thin book and nothing deep about it. It claimed the stories were true, but the writers were rather disappointing as they didn't even try to explore more. It was an effortless quick read. Most were fragments of luvie duvie crush, some are curhats (blaaahh). Quick read as I said, and none is special that stick in my mind.

I still can't figure out why she picked that book out? Of all the books in Gramedia, she could easily pick out an edition of Chicken Soup, for instance. The cover itself it's less impressive and she should know that I don't like pink! Oh well, they say the thought that matters. In this case, I wonder what could that be... Maybe (deliberately or not) she was trying to point out that at my age, I missed out the juvenile romance and remind me to... what...?? Hmm... some thought that is.

Thanks anyway, Ket, and the generous people who would spare time to look for nice gifts!!
(xoxo)